Smile Please..!!

True love is like a pillow
u can hug when u r in trouble
u can cry on when u r in pain &
u can embrace when u r happy
so when u need true lovespend Rs.50/-
Buy a pillow
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Marriages are made in heaven then what are made in Hell?
Ans : the days after marriage
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

During Marriage ceremony why is the bridegroom made to sit on the horse ?
He is given his last chance to run away.
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

I wrote ur name on the sand ................
it got washed away,
I wrote ur name in air...........................
it got blown away,
So i wrote ur name in my heart..............
I got a HEART ATTACK
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------

LOVE is like a CIGARIt starts with a fire.....
continues with smoke......
and ends in ashes...
But dont worry - we are chain smokers
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------

ur smile can be compared to a flower
ur voice can be compared to a cucko
our inocence to a child
but in stupidity u have no comparison u r the best
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Dear Friend,
when i ask u flower,u give me bouquet
when i ask u a stoneu give me a statue
when i ask u a featheru give me peacock
ARE U REALLY DEAF ?
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------

I had VODKA with WATER
I felt DRUNK
I had WHISKY with WATER
I felt DRUNK
I had RUM with WATER
I felt DRUNK
I SWEAR I'LL NEVER DRINK water....!!!
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------

when i call u;
1 ring means i'm thinking of u;
2 ring means i like u;
3 means i miss u;
4 means ...........pick d phone idiot
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Teacher : four beautiful ladies are walking on the road. change it to exclamatory sentence .
Student : WOW !
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

The human brain is a most outstanding thing.......
it functions 24hrs 365 days.....
it functions right from the time youu are Born.... until you fall in love
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

SMILE - is a language of love
SMILE - is a source to win hearts...
SMILE - creates greatness in your personality
SO....Brush ur Teeth today onwards
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

A cigarette shortens your life by 2 min..
A beer shortens your life by 4 min..
A working day shortens your life by 8 hours!!!!..
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

History Teacher : From where to where did the mughals rule ?
Student : sir, i am not sure but i think from page 15 to 26 sir.....
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Teacher : U failure ! @ ur age Bill gates stood first in the class
Student : Mind u, Sir, but @ ur age Hitler committed suicide

Joke on the APRIL 1st ...

The Loving Husband - Humour

Several men are in the changing room of a golf club.
A mobile phone on a bench rings and a man engages the hands free speaker-function and begins to talk.
Everyone else in the room stops to listen.
MAN: "Hello"?
WOMAN: "Darling, it's me. Are you at the club?"
MAN: "Yes"
WOMAN: "I am at the shopping centre and found this beautiful leather coat. It's only $ 1,000. Is it OK if I buy it?"
MAN: "Sure,..go ahead if you like it that much.
"WOMAN: "I also stopped by the Mercedes dealership and saw the new 2009 models. I saw one I really liked."
MAN: "How much?" WOMAN: " $ 70,000"
MAN: "OK, but for that price I want it with all the options."
WOMAN: "Great! Oh, and one more thing ... The house I wanted last year is back on the market. They're asking $ 950,000"
MAN: "Well, then go ahead and give them an offer of 900,000. They will probably take it. If not, we can go the extra 50 thousand. It really is a pretty good price."
WOMAN: "OK. I'll see you later! I love you so much!!"
MAN: "Bye! I love you, too."
The man hangs up. The other men in the changing room are staring at him in astonishment, mouths agape.....
He smiles and asks:

"Anyone knows who this phone belongs to?"

True Dedication

This is what u call dedication to one 's work........

If opportunity doesn't knock at your door, you go knocking at it…

Love VS Marriage

Love VS Marriage

Love is wonder ful par
Marriage is beautiful.

Love is dinner for 2 in your favorite restaurant.
Marriage is having a candle light dinner just the two of us no else to bother.

Love is cuddling on a sofa.
Marriage is honeymoon on that sofa everyday.

Love is talking about having children.
Marriage is having children.

Love is going to bed early.
Marriage is enjoying in bed till late night no one to
disturb and no hurry because both will be there in the morning no matter what.


Love is a romantic drive.
Marriage is romance and lovely drive thru out life time.


Love is losing your appetite.
Marriage is enjoying being in your appetite.


Love is sweet nothing in the ear.
Marriage is yummy everybody parts .


Tv has no place in love..
Marriage is enjoying popcorn with each other at home.

Love is 1 drink and 2 straws.
Marriage is 1 drink 1 straw.


Conclusion: "Love is blind, Marriage is superb!"

Toll free numbers in India

Dear Friends,

Toll Free Numbers in India ,Please forward it to all you know in India . Save a copy of this mail.

Airlines
Indian Airlines - 1800 180 1407
Jet Airways - 1800 22 5522
Spice Jet - 1800 180 3333
Air India -- 1800 22 7722
Kingfisher - 1800 180 0101
=====================================================================================================================
Banks
ABN AMRO - 1800 11 2224
Canara Bank - 1800 44 6000
Citibank - 1800 44 2265
Corporation Bank - 1800 443 555
Development Credit Bank - 1800 22 5769
HDFC Bank - 1800 227 227
ICICI Bank - 1800 333 499
ICICI Bank NRI - 1800 22 4848
IDBI Bank - 1800 11 6999
Indian Bank - 1800 425 1400
ING Vysya - 1800 44 9900
Kotak Mahindra Bank - 1800 22 6022
Lord Krishna Bank - 1800 11 2300
Punjab National Bank - 1800 122 222
State Bank of India - 1800 44 1955
Syndicate Bank - 1800 44 6655
=====================================================================================================================
Automobiles
Mahindra Scorpio - 1800 22 6006
Maruti - 1800 111 515
Tata Motors - 1800 22 5552
Windshield Experts - 1800 11 3636
=====================================================================================================================
Computers/IT
Adrenalin - 1800 444 445
AMD - 1800 425 6664
Apple Computers - 1800 444 683
Canon - 1800 333 366
Cisco Systems - 1800 221 777
Compaq - HP - 1800 444 999
Data One Broadband - 1800 424 1800
Dell - 1800 444 026
Epson - 1800 44 0011
eSys - 3970 0011
Genesis Tally Academy - 1800 444 888
HCL - 1800 180 8080
IBM - 1800 443 333
Lexmark - 1800 22 4477
Marshal's Point - 1800 33 4488
Microsoft - 1800 111 100
Microsoft Virus Update - 1901 333 334
Seagate - 1800 180 1104
Symantec - 1800 44 5533
TVS Electronics - 1800 444 566
WeP Peripherals - 1800 44 6446
Wipro - 1800 333 312
Xerox - 1800 180 1225
Zenith - 1800 222 004
=====================================================================================================================
Indian Railway Enquiries
Indian Railway General Enquiry 131
Indian Railway Central Enquiry 131
Indian Railway Reservation 131
Indian Railway Railway Reservation Enquiry 1345,1335,1330
Indian Railway Centralised Railway Enquiry 1330/1/2/3/4/ 5/6/7/8/9 =====================================================================================================================
Couriers/Packers & Movers
ABT Courier - 1800 44 8585
AFL Wizz - 1800 22 9696
Agarwal Packers & Movers - 1800 11 4321
Associated Packers P Ltd - 1800 21 4560
DHL - 1800 111 345
FedEx - 1800 22 6161
Goel Packers & Movers - 1800 11 3456
UPS - 1800 22 7171
=====================================================================================================================
Home Appliances
Aiwa/Sony - 1800 11 1188
Anchor Switches - 1800 22 7979
Blue Star - 1800 22 2200
Bose Audio - 1800 11 2673
Bru Coffee Vending Machines - 1800 44 7171
Daikin Air Conditioners - 1800 444 222
DishTV - 1800 12 3474
Faber Chimneys - 1800 21 4595
Godrej - 1800 22 5511
Grundfos Pumps - 1800 33 4555
LG - 1901 180 9999
Philips - 1800 22 4422
Samsung - 1800 113 444
Sanyo - 1800 11 0101
Voltas - 1800 33 4546
WorldSpace Satellite Radio - 1800 44 5432
=====================================================================================================================
Investments/ Finance
CAMS - 1800 44 2267
Chola Mutual Fund - 1800 22 2300
Easy IPO's - 3030 5757
Fidelity Investments - 1800 180 8000
Franklin Templeton Fund - 1800 425 4255
J M Morgan Stanley - 1800 22 0004
Kotak Mutual Fund - 1800 222 626
LIC Housing Finance - 1800 44 0005
SBI Mutual Fund - 1800 22 3040
Sharekhan - 1800 22 7500
Tata Mutual Fund - 1800 22 0101
=====================================================================================================================
Travel
Club Mahindra Holidays - 1800 33 4539
Cox & Kings - 1800 22 1235
God TV Tours - 1800 442 777
Kerala Tourism - 1800 444 747
Kumarakom Lake Resort - 1800 44 5030
Raj Travels & Tours - 1800 22 9900
Sita Tours - 1800 111 911
SOTC Tours - 1800 22 3344 =====================================================================================================================
Healthcare
Best on Health - 1800 11 8899
Dr Batras - 1800 11 6767
GlaxoSmithKline - 1800 22 8797
Johnson & Johnson - 1800 22 8111
Kaya Skin Clinic - 1800 22 5292
LifeCell - 1800 44 5323
Manmar Technologies - 1800 33 4420
Pfizer - 1800 442 442
Roche Accu-Chek - 1800 11 45 46
Rudraksha - 1800 21 4708
Varilux Lenses - 1800 44 8383
VLCC - 1800 33 1262
=====================================================================================================================
Insurance
AMP Sanmar - 1800 44 2200
Aviva - 1800 33 2244
Bajaj Allianz - 1800 22 5858
Chola MS General Insurance - 1800 44 5544
HDFC Standard Life - 1800 227 227
LIC - 1800 33 4433
Max New York Life - 1800 33 5577
Royal Sundaram - 1800 33 8899
SBI Life Insurance - 1800 22 9090
=====================================================================================================================
Hotel Reservations
GRT Grand - 1800 44 5500
InterContinental Hotels Group - 1800 111 000
Marriott - 1800 22 0044
Sarovar Park Plaza - 1800 111 222
Taj Holidays - 1800 111 825
=====================================================================================================================
Teleshopping
Asian Sky Shop - 1800 22 1800
Jaipan Teleshoppe - 1800 11 5225
Tele Brands - 1800 11 8000
VMI Teleshopping - 1800 447 777
WWS Teleshopping - 1800 220 777
=====================================================================================================================
Others
Domino's Pizza - 1800 111 123
=====================================================================================================================

Cell Phones
BenQ - 1800 22 08 08
Bird CellPhones - 1800 11 7700
Motorola MotoAssist - 1800 11 1211
Nokia - 3030 3838
Sony Ericsson - 3901 1111

Newton in Romantic Mood......

Universal law of Love:

" Love can neither be created nor be destroyed; only it can transfer from One girlfriend to another girlfriend with some loss of money "


************ *


First law of Love:

" a boy in love with a girl, continue to be in love with her and a girl in love with a boy, continue to be in love with him, until or unless any external agent(brother or father of the gal) comes into play and break the legs of the boy. "

************ *


Second law of Love:

" the rate of change of intensity of love of a girl towards a boy is directly proportional to the instantaneous bank balance of the boy and the direction of this love is same to as increment or decrement of the bank balance. "


************ *


Third law of Love:

" the force applied while proposing a girl by a boy is equal and opposite to the force applied by the girl while slapping ."

Jokes Unlimited

Teacher : What happened in 1869?
Student: Gandhi ji was born.
Teacher : What happened in 1873?
Student: Gandhiji was four years old.

***************************************

Question: What is the fullform of maths.
Anwser: Mentaly affected teachers harrasing students

***************************************

Teacher : Now children , if I saw a man beating a donkey and stopped him then what virtue would I be showing ?
Student : BROTHERLY LOVE

***************************************
Teacher : Because of Gandhiji's hard work what do we get on 15th August.
Student: A holiday

***************************************
Teacher :Tomorrow there will be a lecture on Sun.Everyone must attend it.
Raju:No ma'm! I will not be able to attend it.
Teacher :Why?
Raju:My mother will not allow me to go so far!!!

***************************************
Teacher:"Can anyone give me an example of Coincidence?"
Johnny:"Sir, my mother and father got married on the same day same time."

***************************************
Teacher: How old is ur father.
Sunny:As old as I am.
Teacher:How is it possible?
Sunny:He became father only after I was born.

***************************************

The boss who was on the 25th floor of the building called up the clerk on the ground floor for an important file. Since it was rather urgent the boss told the clerk it was an emergency and that he should hurry with the file. After more than 30 minutes the clerk appears all tired and panting for breath. The Boss asks him why he was panting and what caused the huge delay. The clerk replies, 'Boss when I went to the lift it said 'during an emergency please use the staircase'!!!

********************************

Good Ones from Sardar jokes

Sardar: My mobile bill how much?
Call centre girl: sir, just dial 123to know current bill status
Sardar: Stupid, not CURRENT BILL my MOBILE BILL.

Sardar: I think that girl is deaf..
Friend: How do u know?
Sardar: I told I Love her, but she said her chappals are new

Teacher: Which is the oldest animal in world?
Sardar: ZEBRA
Teacher: How?
Sardar: Bcoz it is Black & White

Sardar: Miss, Do u called 2 my mobile?
Teacher: Me? No, why?
Sardar: Yesterday I saw in my mobile- “1 Miss Call".

Judge: Don't U have shame? It is d 3rd time U R coming to court.
Sardar to judge: U R coming daily, don't U have shame?

Question: "Should Women have Children after 35?"
Smart Sardar Replied: "No!
35 Children R More than Enough!!"

Sir: What is difference between Orange and Apple?
Sardar: Color of Orange is orange, but color of Apple is not APPLE.

Sardar attending an interview in Software Company.
Manager: Do U know MS Office?
Sardar: If U give me the address I will go there sir.

Sardar in airplane going 2 Bombay .. While its landing he shouted: " Bombay ... Bombay "
Air hostess said: "B silent."
Sardar: "Ok. Ombay. Ombay"

Sardar got a sms from his girl friend:
"I MISS YOU"
Sardarji replied:
"I Mr YOU" !!.

Sardar: Doctor! My Son swallowed a key
Doctor: When?
Sardar: 3 Months Ago
Dr:Wat were u doing till now?
Sardar: We were using duplicate key

Why Sardar opens his lunch box in the middle of the road???
Just 2 confirm whether he is going to or coming back from the office....

After finishing MBBS, Sardar started his practice. He Checked 1st Patient's Eyes, Tongue & Ears By Torch & Finallly Said:
Torch is okay"

Inspiration especially for you

Once upon a time there was a bunch of tiny frogs.... who arranged a running competition.

The goal was to reach the top of a very high tower.

A big crowd had gathered around the tower to see the race and cheer on the contestants....

The race began....

Honestly:

No one in the crowd really believed that the tiny frogs would reach the top of the tower.

You heard statements such as:

"Oh, WAY too difficult!!"

"They will NEVER make it to the top."

"Not a chance that they will succeed. The tower is too high!"

The tiny frogs began collapsing. One by one....

Except for those, who in a fresh tempo, were climbing higher and higher....

The crowd continued to yell, "It is too difficult!!! No one will make it!"

More tiny frogs got tired and gave up....

But ONE continued higher and higher and higher....

This one wouldn't give up!

At the end everyone else had given up climbing the tower. Except for the one tiny frog who, after a big effort, was the only one who reached the top!

THEN all of the other tiny frogs naturally wanted to know how this one frog managed to do it?

A contestant asked the tiny frog how he had found the strength to succeed and reach the goal?

It turned out....

That the winner was DEAF!!!!

The wisdom of this story is:

Never listen to other people's tendencies to be negative or pessimistic....
because they take your most wonderful dreams and wishes away from you -- the ones you have in your heart!

Always think of the power words have.

Because everything you hear and read will affect your actions!

Therefore:

ALWAYS be POSITIVE!

And above all:

Be DEAF when people tell YOU that you cannot fulfill your dreams!

Always think:

God and I can do this!

Pass this message on to 5 "tiny frogs" you care about.

Give them some motivation!!!

Most people walk in and out of your life......but FRIENDS leave footprints in your heart

To The World You Might Be One Person; But To One Person You Might Be the World.

If you fall down 10 times, Stand up 11 times.

"And remember GOD WILL MAKE A WAY WHERE THERE SEEMS TO BE NO WAY"

Best answer by B.E students during viva.....

This is best answer by B.E students during viva.
>---------------------> This one is for those who had nightmares during their Engineering Viva's (EEEs and ECEs). They bring back fond memories for those who care to smile at the past
************************************************************************************
Interviewer: Why is a thicker conductor necessary to carry a current in A.C.as compared to D.C. ?
Candidate : An AC current goes up and down (drawing a sinusoid) and requires more space inside the wire, so the wire has to be thicker.

************************************************************************************
External (to student) : "Why does a capacitor block DC but allow AC To pass through ?
Student: See, a capacitor is like this --- --- , OK. DC comes straight, like this ----------, and the capacitor stops it. But AC,goes UP, DOWN, UP DOWN and jumps right over the capacitor!" ------------------- good one : -
)

************************************************************************************
Interviewer: How will you tell if that wall outlet carries AC or DC?
Candidate: I will put my finger in. If it is pushed away, it is AC. If it gets stuck, it was DC.

************************************************************************************
Interviewer: H! ow will you reverse direction of an Induction motor?
Candidate: I will remove the four bolts at the x-ud, turn the motor around, and put back the bolts.

************************************************************************************
Interviewer: How do you start a synchronous motor?
Candidate: Vrrrrrrrmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm (in rising pitch)
Interviewer: Stop! Stop!
Candidate: rrrrrrrmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm (in falling pitch)

************************************************************************************
Examiner: "What is a step-up transformer?"
Student: "A transformer that is put on top of electric poles."
Examiner (smiling): "And then what is a step-down transformer?"
Student (hesitantly):"Uh - A transformer that is put in the x-udment or in a pit?"
Examiner (pouncing): "Then what do you call a transformer that is installed on the ground?"
(Student knows he is caught-can't answer) Examiner (impatiently): "Well?"
Student (triumphantly): "A stepless transformer, sir!"

************************************************************************************

TOP FACTS ABOUT ENGINEERS
************************************************************************************
Engineers at work:

Assignments solved by one and then carry out mass transfer operations throughout the class

************************************************************************************
The most important machine for Engineers:

Xerox Machine (Without which assignment Completion couldn't be possible)

************************************************************************************
Top two Engineering Rumours:

Did you hear the results are being put up today at 5:30pm Did you hear the exams are postponed by two weeks

************************************************************************************
Common Engineering Dialogues after a paper:

'What is this man, 60% o f the paper was out of the syllabus'
'This was the worst paper set in the entire engineering history' 'I am failing'

************************************************************************************
***********************************************************************************
What is B..E?


8 semesters
80GB syllabus

80MB we study

80KB we remember

80 Bytes we answer

BINARY marks we get,

The Degree finally we get is BE

That is Brain Empty (B.E)

ONLY FOR ENGINEERING STUDENTS

Ques: We know that 2/10=0.2
but Prove that 2/10=2 ?
Ans : Normal college students insist Question is "OUT of Syllabus".
but Engineering Students replied:
2=two,
10=ten. therefore
Two/Ten = Two/Ten = wo/en.
w=23, o=15, e=5, n=14.
therefore w+o=23+15=38 & e+n=5+14=19
Therefore wo/en=38/19=2. Hence Proved
FOR, Engineers “ It doesn’t matter ans kya hai, they say ans kya lana he."

Long Live Bachelors

Long live Bachelors
Every man should get married some time; after all, happiness is not the only thing in life!! --Anonymous
------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- ---------
Bachelors should be heavily taxed. It is not fair that some men should be happier than others.
--Oscar Wilde
------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- ---------
Don't marry for money; you can borrow it cheaper.
--Scottish Proverb
------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- ---------
I don't worry about terrorism. I am married for two years. --Sam Kinison
------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- ------
Men have a better time than women; for one thing, they marry later; for another thing, they die earlier. --H. L. Mencken
------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- ------
When a newly married couple smiles, everyone knows why. When a ten-year married couple smiles, everyone wonders why.
------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- ------
Love is blind but marriage is an eye-opener.
------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- -----
When a man opens the door of his car for his wife, you can be sure of one thing: either the car is new or the wife.
------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- -----
I take my wife everywhere, but she keeps finding her way back to home always. --Anonymous
------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- -----
I asked my wife, "Where do you want to go for our anniversary? " She said,"Somewhere I have never been!" I told her, "How about the kitchen?" --Anonymous
------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- ---------
We always hold hands. If I let go, she shops.
------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- -
My wife was in beauty saloon for two hours. That was only for the estimate. --Anonymous
------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- -
She got a mudpack and looked great for two days. Then the mud fell off. --Anonymous
------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- ----
She ran after the garbage truck, yelling, "Am I too late for the garbage?" Following her down the street I yelled, "No, jump in." --Anonymous
------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- -----
Badd Teddy recently explained to me why he refuses to get to married. He says "the wedding rings look like minature handcuffs... .." --Anonymous
------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- ------
If your dog is barking at the back door and your wife yelling at the frontdoor, who do you let in first? The Dog of course... at least he'll shut up after u let him in! --Anonymous
------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- -------
A man placed some flowers on the grave of his dearly parted mother and started back toward his car when his attention was diverted to another man kneeling at a grave. The man seemed to be praying with profound intensity and kept repeating, 'Why did u have to die? Why did you have to die?" The first man approached him and said, "Sir, I don't wish to interfere with your private grief, but this demonstration of pain is more than I've ever seen before. For whom do you mourn so Deeply? A child? A parent?" The mourner took a moment to collect himself, then replied "My wife's first husband."
------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- ------
A couple came upon a wishing well. The husband leaned over, made a wish and threw in a coin. The wife decided to make a wish, too. But she leaned over too much, fell into the well, and drowned. The husband was stunned for a while but then smiled "It really works ! "

Never give up

The IT In Panic

Reccession time_save u r job!